I know that he hates me when I disturb him with my hugs and kisses, and then I would ask him to stop playing on his cellular phone to get his attention. And I know that as a grown-up kid, he would not like me to treat him like a baby. Although, he would still answer me when I
asked, “Sino nga ang baby ni Mama?” and then he would reply awkwardly, “Si Macoy.”
But I knew he would answer me because he knows it pleases me and heals my tiredness.
While my daughter Bea is 21, having a part-time job this summer breaks my heart. When she left for her first day of work, I could not explain how I felt. I went back to when she was in kindergarten that I would need to fix what she would bring, her uniform, and everything. I am even worried about what she will get for her lunch.
Honestly, when she left the car, my heart was bleeding seeing her as she entered the workplace. God, I wish I could stay with her until her work ends.
All these sad moments I can say are about my difficulty experiencing when my children are far from me. Oh, why am I so sad that my grown-up kids now are becoming independent?
Why is it so heart-breaking that they can start and end their day without my close touch? And why can’t they understand that I worry so much when they are distant from me?
And so, I asked all those questions myself. And suddenly, I remember my mom when I was 17 crying in fear when I was not able to go home at night early. I can still see her eyes with tears when she saw me at the gate and embraced me tightly; it seemed like the last time she saw me was two years ago.
And then, I also recall when we saw each other at the mall, I was with my high school friends at that time after school, and by surprise, we caught each other at the mall. Then she invited me to eat at our favorite restaurant. But then I refused and said we could meet later at home. And I saw the frustration on my mom’s face, and she was masking her pain inside. But I was so young then, it less bothered me, how foolish I was!
And yes, there were many moments when I had a misunderstanding with my mom, like my choice as to what course I should enroll in, dress to wear, and other essential decision-making. I wanted so much freedom that I sometimes felt that my mom was controlling. I did not appreciate the constant guidance; I misinterpreted the protective love.
But even then, I was allowed to do what I think is good for me, even though I saw that it pained Mommy much. After college, I started working, got married, and had my children. Oh, I did not exactly notice that my mom was constantly in the picture for years, through my ups and downs.
What is sad is that I failed to see that mom’s hair now started to turn gray, her hands were wrinkled, and she walked so slowly. I realized how I am so busy with my children that I failed to see my great mom’s needs. I cannot immediately answer her constant Facebook messages and calls.
God, I was so busy rearing my children, sometimes forgetting the mother that made me what I am right now.
I guess others also feel the same. Are we mothers still able to find quality time for our mothers that completed us? If my mom once whispered to my eldest “Bea” that she misses me, I will also tell my granddaughters or sons I missed their “mom when I am old too.” Ahh, even as early as now, I am in pain that my grown-up kids are starting to have their own lives without me, then my mom, I believe, also feels the same.
Is this really the truth about life as a mother? The cycle of getting married, rearing own children, then children leaving, mothers extremely sad, and children becoming mothers. Life does change, and the change is constant.
But even then, let us be reminded that we can remain connected to our parents. A call in the morning and at night to say hello would not be too much. Despite our busy days, a visitation every weekend can be the best day for parents to experience.
God knows I love you, mommy. And to God, I pray, our children remember us. That, I believe, is the plead of most mothers like me. Belated Happy Mother’s Day to all.
