Nobody’s flawless. It’s a simple fact, but it needs repeating: nobody is perfect; everyone has flaws. In reality, it’s a very tough idea to accept about our loved ones. Especially for parents, many of whom believe that their children are peerless angels and the best people on the planet.
However, some brutally honest parents anonymously opened up about their kids’ very worst character and behavior flaws in a series of r/AskReddit threads. They were very candid about what they dislike about their munchkins, and what they absolutely loathe about the things that they do. From excessive arrogance to compulsive lying and even worse, what follows is a dive into the darker side of parenting.
A small warning for all of you Pandas: this is an article that includes a lot of sensitive posts. Some of them might make you feel uncomfortable. Others might resemble your own family situation a bit too much. Keep that in mind as you start reading.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about parenting, so we reached out to mom Samantha Scroggin, the blogger behind 'Walking Outside in Slippers.' She was kind enough to answer our questions about the challenges that parents face, correcting 'bad' behavior, and how there's no single right answer when it comes to rewards and punishments. You'll find her open and honest insights as you scroll down.
#1
My oldest son is severely autistic and twelve years old. Imagine someone bound by OCD that cannot talk and cannot understand seemingly very simple concepts.He can understand some things, but the concept of abstract communication eludes him; i.e., I can tell him to get dressed, but he cannot understand that the 'tag' on a shirt goes behind his neck. So, there is a 25% chance his shirt is on correctly, 25% chance it is on backwards, 25% chance it is on facing correctly but inside out, and 25% chance it is on backwards and inside out. Of course, if it is cold outside, there is a 50% chance he'll come out in shorts. That isn't really too big a deal, but the inability to grasp this portion of communication bleeds into everything, things 99.9% of people take completely for granted.
When he was three, he had an ear infection. We didn't know that, of course, we just knew that he was inconsolable and in pain from *something*. He does not understand questions like 'does it hurt here?', or 'show me where it hurts', or 'does your stomach hurt?' Eventually his ear drum burst out yellow stuff and we said, 'oh. ear ache'.
He has never been given an aspirin for a headache. He's probably had a headache, but I don't know. He can't tell us if he has a headache, or any other kind of ache.
He can use the toilet, but doesn't really get using toilet paper. Or maybe he does, but saw us get upset once for throwing an entire roll into the toilet, so lately he has been going to the bathroom at 5:00 am, then finding clothes, sheets, towels, something, whatever, and wiping his a*s with those. We've pretty much run the washing machine on sanitize about .75 times a day the last two weeks. He's got a reason for it somewhere in his head that makes sense to him, but he can't tell us what it is, and we can't get him to figure out to f*****g come and get us if he's taken a s**t.
We've taken to 'hiding' foods he prefers in the house, given free reign to potato chips, or humus, or cranberries, or f*****g whatever, he'll eat and eat and eat, and then throw up later that night. It's not his fault, he's been on anti-psychotics for a few years now, one side effect of which is weight gain. I hate, f*****g hate, giving him anti-psychotics, but not quite as much as how he acts/acted when he wasn't on them.
As a family, we cannot realistically travel. Interruptions to his routine result in a constant moan / whine / crying / occasional outburst of self injury, or rarely, attacking others. The pain and fear he feels is very real to him, and we are powerless to provide him comfort. Instead, my wife will travel with my other sons while I stay home with him.
He has never had a friend that was not direct family or therapist. I don't see how he ever will. He will never kiss a girl, drive a car, or have a job. I have no idea if he *wants* to do those things or not, of if he knows they exist as things at all.
In the early days of his autism, we threw therapies at him by writing checks against the house and credit card companies to the tune of 30K+/year for five years or so. (insurance has subsequently helped out some with this). We're still digging our way out of that, slowly but surely. Ultimately, however, they haven't really done much in the context of turning him into a person that can life his own life. For example, they are working on having him keep a band aid on; they've had that as part of his program for about six months, and he'll keep a band aid on for fifteen minutes or so. Great. The reality is that when he gets a cut or laceration, it sits open for weeks; he simply will constant tear away any bandages. I'm sure that he has good reasons in his mind for not wanting a bandage on, but he just doesn't understand the concept of 'medicine' making you feel 'better' 'in a few days'; none of those things seem to get through.
He's never been to the dentist. There are some that will work with children like him when he is unconscious. We just haven't felt like giving him anesthesia to take him to the goddamned dentist. It's on the list for this year.
He goes through periods of self injury. When he was a toddler, he banged his head, *a lot*. He broke a few windows in our home. He very likely concussed himself a few times. Lately, he's been punching the table during favorite scenes from Disney films; he has a blood blister about three inches long on both hands. He understands when we tell him, 'don't do that, punch the pillow instead'. He'll punch the pillow for a few minutes, and then start banging the walls again; he is simply a slave to the routine.
When my wife and I die, people that make $10 an hour will take care of him, or not, for the rest of his life.
There's more, so much more, and the thing about autism is that it does not take one m***********g second off. Nobody gets a day off. Ever.
He works harder than anyone I know, harder than anyone reading this thread will ever work, and gets s**t to show for it. He inhabits a world where everything is too loud, too bright, too confusing and too unconforming to his patterns, and is trying as best as he can to navigate through it. He didn't ask for any of this. Sometimes he's got a d******d father who gets mad at him, who resents him for all of these things and a million others that he cannot control. Me. But he deserves better than that, so I'm trying, every f*****g hour of the day to remember that he is the one who got the raw deal, not me, not his brothers, him. I have bad moments, but no longer bad weeks or days. I'm working on it, if only I could work as hard as he does, I'd be golden.
So the answer to your question is autism happened to him, to us.
Image credits: superThrowtasticChie
Parenting blogger Samantha, from 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' explained that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Every family, every situation is unique.
"'Bad behavior' has become very subjective for me when it comes to kids. I have a son with ADHD, and he can't always control his outbursts. Those outbursts can include cursing or kicking a wall. There was a time when I would have wondered why parents with a kid like that weren't doing their job. But punishment isn't effective with my son," mom Samantha was very candid about some of the challenges that she has to face as a parent.
"Screaming and yelling back only add fuel to the fire. He does better with rewards and consistency. I believe it's important for parents to customize their parenting and consequences for undesirable behavior to what works best for their child. There's no one-size-fits-all punishment for all kids," she said.
#2
When I became pregnant, I had not ever wanted a child. I was not at all happy, in fact I cried so much and became very depressed. I felt very pressured I to going through with it by my husband. He had very good intentions but it was just not something I wanted for myself. We had agreed before we married that we did not want children.So I was very resentful and miserable. But I absolutely did my best to be a good mother because my baby had no say in this and I beleive all babies deserve loving mothers regardless of circumstances. So I faked it as best as I could and got help. I never wanted to hurt her or for her to feel unloved but it was so hard.
Never did it feel natural to me. I never found much enjoyment out of raising a child, I was exhausted and burned out by all the stuff kids do. I resented giving up my plans, my work, my horse, my whole identity for a child I never wanted.
My daughter is now ten and we have a great relationship. I enjoy her her company now. My harshness has pretty much dissipated and I feel much better about being a parent now. Hoping my early issues have not forever damaged her.
Image credits: anon
#3
My middle son (19) stole a 9mm pistol from my 82 year old father. When I confronted him about it he said I didn't understand, he needed the money and if I had given him more he might not have done it. 2 months later got caught on video stealing the candy money jar from a Mexican restaurant, again says if I'd had given him money ( because he's completely cut off at this point) wouldn't have done it. Downward spiral continues, he takes no responsibility for anything . He's a selfish a**hole who won't take care of his kids much less himself. I never thought I'd say this about my own child but F**K THAT GUY.
Image credits: jjon670
Bored Panda was interested to understand how parents might deal with their kids lying. "When I catch my kids lying, I try to get to the root of why. And I let them know that lying is a worse offense than whatever they're lying to cover up," blogger Samantha explained how she approaches this with her own kids.
"I believe in setting high expectations for kids as far as expecting them to be good, honest people who are kind to others. And I often communicate the importance of this to my kids."
#4
Using throwaway because my wife knows my reddit. When she was pregnant with our first and only child, we knew before birth that she was high risk of down syndrome because the gene was quite prevelant in both our family histories. We both got tested and the doctor told us that our daughter had over a 80% chance that she will be born with Down Syndrome. Our marriage up to this point was happy and wonderful.We dated for 9 months before getting married, and were more of partners than a couple. Everything we did, we decided together. We bought our own business, which didn't cause any fights, but rather we thrived because she was good at what I wasn't and vice versa. I was a messy 'kid' before I met her, and she helped me change my ways. She lacked hobbies before I met her, and I helped her find things she truly loved doing. We were happy, very very happy.
The doctor told us that abortion was a viable option, but we needed to decide within a week or it would be too late. I knew right away that I was for the abortion, but didn't know how to bring it up. When we finally did sit down and talk, I brought all sorts of articles and books on kids with Down Sydnrome. I tried to show her rather than convince her of how hard our life would be if our child actually did have it. It was going to be hard for both os us to have a healthy child, let alone one that needed far more care. We were both busy, and happy.
She didn't want to take out our unborn child, and there was nothing I could really do to change her mind without really really making her mad and ruining our relationship. So reluctantly, I went with it.
As luck would have it, our daughter was born with translocation Down Syndrome. Only 1% of all cases of down syndrome are that, and it has a lot to do with heriditory conditions. I don't want to go into how bad our life became. I really can't even handle typing it out. My wife had to quit her job which she adored. We had to move to a smaller house after a year and a half because of the medical bills. When I came home from work, she was too tired to talk or even see me and went to bed, and my entire 5 hours of free time every. single. day. was spent caring for our daughter in some form or another. I Didn't see my friend for 9 months. Missed my cousins wedding because we couldn't even think about travelling.
Everything changed, and everything changed for the worst. My wife and I only talked when we fought. Either she was too tired and that caused her anger, or I worked too much and didn't help her enough. To tell you my life went to s**t is an understatement, because I can't even imagine how much extra stress my wife must have endured in those first couple of years.
I don't hate my daughter. But I do resent the fact that we had her, even though I knew our life would be this way. I go to the parks sometimes and sit and watch all the happy fathers play with their happy kids. Watch them throw the ball around, or just run around the jungle gym. That's the life I wanted, that I dreamed of, but I will never have. My wife and I are still together because neither wants to burden the other by leaving.
Image credits: throwheraway19999
#5
My son told his friends that I was abusing and molesting him because he wanted the attention. We were very close. Child services were called and then the police. He stuck to his story. I don't hate him. I never could. Sometimes I'm very angry but mostly the betrayal gets me. I would never have believed he would do that. After several awful months I think it's going to be alright legally but the legal fees and stress has been overwhelming. Things will never be the same between us. He is a teenager btw
Image credits: throwawaymine75
#6
I made an account just for this question. I beyond resent my son. He's seven. He lies all the time, never listens, and does harmful things to others. His father took off before he was born. The state say they can't find him without a SSI or address for me to receive support. I've been living off the state for over six years. I work and go to uni full time. Every day is an argument and fight with this child. There are no fun times. There are no happy moments. He makes me miserable. All I want to do is graduate with my bachelors in engineering. Every morning he makes me late for class because he refuses to listen to a single word. I've tried all the ways of disciplining or rewarding to get him on track. He's in special education for speech and math support. The doctor diagnosed him with ADHD last month. We are working through getting the right dose. But, for now- he made me miss my calculus class again because he refused to get out of bed this morning. I don't think I love him anymore. I feel like he's sabotaging my life and chances for getting out of the welfare system. I'm miserable with him in my life.
Image credits: Shizilly
Samantha agrees that we tend to become more empathetic towards others as we grow up. "I know I have become much more sensitive to the plight of others. Maybe this is due to having kids myself, and feeling a little bit like everyone's mom. Or just an increased awareness of mortality and people's differing life circumstances. But empathy is a good thing. Most of us could probably use a little more if it," she said.
Very recently, Bored Panda spoke about kids’ capacity for empathy and (the lack of) kindness with psychologist, author, and mom-of-four, Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.
"Children learn from observation of what others do, but also through explicit teaching and explanations, and through experience and observation of how others respond to certain actions," Dr. Kennedy-Moore explained to us, adding that we tend to develop more empathy for other people as we grow and mature.
"In general, we become more empathic at 19 than we were when we were at age 9, and that continues, so we're more empathic at 29 than 19, at 39 than 29, simply because we've experienced more of life, so it's easier for us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes," the psychologist said.
#7
My feelings changed the moment my (then 17 year old) daughter sucker punched me on side of my head during an argument about her cleaning her room. If I wasn't holding my 1 year old at the time I'm positive I would have knocked her the f**k out. I guess in my mind she did something taboo. You never, ever hit your mom...but she did. I love her but she broke my heart that day and I can't seem to get over it.
Image credits: lovdatcowbell
#8
I have a 7 year old daughter. I think she has some kind of personality disorder. Some days she’s her normal loving, goofy self. Then there are other days where she is manipulative, mean, and hysterical. She says things to hurt you on purpose and will freak out if she doesn’t get her way, hurting herself in the process. But if I call her dad and FaceTime with him she stops on a dime and says I was lying and I hit her and don’t love her. I didn’t even know a kid that young could lie like that. She does this to me, my husband, and her stepmom. Her dad honestly believes we are all lying when we say something is wrong. She’s been to 3 therapists and they all act like we’re crazy because she puts on a good act. It makes me sick sometimes that I am happy when she goes to her dads house. I have a 1 year old son with my husband and I don’t want her to do to him what she does to me or her other family members. I don’t know what to do
Image credits: [deleted]
#9
Throwaway because my husband knows my Reddit name and I am not sure how he would take this.I remarried a wonderful man, my soul mate about 2 years ago. I have two kids of my own. One son and one daughter. One is 14 and the other is 21. He has a daughter. She is almost 8. We met when his daughter was about 3 and a half. It is bad to say, but personality wise she hasn't changed very much the last 4 or so years.
I don't necessarily dislike my stepdaughter all the time....I have just had to distance myself a bit. She has no manners, no respect, she is spoiled and will whine until she gets her way. For example I overheard her tell her great grandmother to shut up. I also heard her tell her mom "You are the most disgusting person I ever met". When they "scold" her she always tries to say she was "just joking" and then she will start crying and saying "nobody wants me around" and stuff like that.
I know this is turning into a long post and I apologize...it has just been building up so long. I try my best with her and I had such high hopes for a close relationship with my step daughter. But I have found that our personalities clash. And I am used to having respectful kids. My husband tries his best to make her act right, but every time she goes back to her mom's or her grandparents it gets worse. They give her everything she wants no matter what and they allow her to talk to them anyway because "she is still little and we may not have anymore kids/grandkids." So I don't blame my husband, I feel bad for him because he is tired of having to be the bad guy all the time.
Oh and she likes to torment my cats. I tell her all the time to be nice to them. Pet them gently or better yet! Leave them alone. But she likes to chase them, pour water on them, throw dirt at them....etc. She has plenty of toys in her room and also electronics and games. But she will cry and whine until my husband lets her use his laptop. She likes to watch toy commercials on Youtube and tell us what she wants for Christmas or her Birthday. She makes these 5 page long lists of what she wants all the time. And then if she doesn't get it, she whines that she never gets anything she wants. Her mother told us she picked out a 50.00 Halloween costume last week. She said she told her that was way too expensive to pay when she is only going to wear it a few hours. Well step daughter proceeded to cry and say she doesn't have anything and never gets anything and she needs new parents.
One more thing that makes me mad....if adults are in the room trying to have a conversation she will interrupt repeatedly until they stop talking and listen to her or watch her do some little something that could have waited. This child gets more attention that any child ever so I know its not lack of attention that causes it.
I could go on and on but no one wants to read a two mile long post of me complaining so I will end it here. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
One more thing I thought of! About a year ago I had my little grand daughter over at our house. She was about 9 months old at the time. Step daughter got caught trying to give the baby rocks. We all get onto her and tell her how dangerous it is to give a baby rocks, babies can choke and get injured or even die...all that. Well, a few minutes later I catch her putting the rocks in my grand baby's pocket and I go mental. After telling her she could choke and die if she gets ahold of a rock she is putting them in the baby's pocket!! Just one more example of there is something not right with this girl.
TL;DR Step daughter has no manners or respect for adults and even tried to harm my grand daughter once. My nerves just cant handle it anymore.
Image credits: throwthisstepmom
The psychologist explained that kids need 3 ‘ingredients’ in order to respond to others in a caring way. First, they need to be able to imagine how others think and feel. “The ability to imagine accurately someone else's perspective generally begins around age 4 and grows with age and experience.”
Second of all, children need to learn to manage their distress. In short, when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they tend to not have the ability to be overly kind. "Kids don't have the bandwidth to respond kindly to someone else if they are overwhelmed by their own feelings."
Lastly, children need to firmly believe that they are capable of helping others. "If they don't think they can help or don't know how, they're likely to freeze or avoid situations where someone is upset,” Dr. Kennedy-Moore said.
"Parents can help by talking about people's thoughts and feelings as they come up in books, movies, or real life. This gives children a window into people's internal life that helps with perspective-taking. Parents can help children manage their own emotions by naming those feelings as well as teaching specific coping strategies such as distraction, deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to ask for what they want," she told Bored Panda.
#10
I am a step parent. I love my son. Love him like crazy.But.
He's a slob. And he married a slob with two slobby children and they had another child who is our adored grandson and likely also a future slob.
Their house is always filthy and by filthy I mean FILTHY. They have 5 dogs and at least two cats inside the house. The dogs are untrained and so they chew through everything and c**p on the floor. It smells like a cat box, dishes are never washed and sit caked with food just wherever they leave it. Laundry is piled high against the walls in the bedrooms and you have to pick a path across the living room dodging toys, dishes, dog c**p, and the cats who are always trying to stay one step ahead of the dogs.
The smell of cat p**s is so strong my eyes literally watered when I walked in. Beds not made? Yeah, they don't even have proper beds (we've given them three - don't know where they went). They sleep on bare mattresses on the floor - sheets optional. A floor that is covered with dog feces and dirt. I am astonished none of them have developed ringworm or typhoid. The kids smell like a dirty litterbox and go to school in wrinkled dirty clothing. It's humiliating for us and frightening. They've been reported to DFS, but I don't know what DFS did because the house is still a shithole. The whole situation makes me so angry I don't trust myself with either of them. The urge to shake them and scream "You stink! Clean your f*****g house!" is nigh uncontrollable.
It makes me sick that he and she allow this to go on. Neither of them were raised in dirty houses. I don't like either one of them, but I love them all very much.
Image credits: Maxwyfe
#11
I know this comment will probably be buried at the bottom but I'm gonna take this chance to get some stuff of my chest.First of all - I don't hate my daughter - far from it. I love her with all my heart. Instead I hate the life we have.
My daughter has a rare chromosome disorder and is also on the autism spectrum (not full on autistic though). She'll soon be 5 and still doesn't speak. She has a hearing loss so she has to wear hearing aids. By not being able to speak (except for some words like yes or no) we can't really communicate with her. Everything is done by us asking her questions which she says yes or no to. Sometimes she shows us what she wants by pointing, using sign language (she knows some signs), or she goes and fetches something to show us. This covers her basic needs. But we can never have a discussion with her. Asking how her day was at pre school etc. We can't talk about stuff. She doesn't really have any friends and she just recently started "playing" with other kids at pre school. I could go on and on about this. But I'm terrified for the future. I can't really think about how her and our life will be when she gets older without tearing up. So many things she won't be able to experience - even though I don't even know if she would like to.
To summarise - I don't hate her. Far from it. I hate that she has this disorder. At the same time - her disorder has made she who she is. And I hate myself for looking at other families and being jealous for what they have. Hearing friends talking about how they discuss events with their 3 yo etc. Seeing other kids playing together and making up games and stuff while my kid is so far behind.
The worst part is that I sometimes wish myself or my family to be in an accident so there would be an end to this. I of course don't really wish for this but I sometime long for the life I didn't get. Before getting kids - this was my worst nightmare - having a kid with a disability.
I know I should probably start seeing a psychiatrist.
Image credits: throwawayaloo
#12
Throw away because this may be my deepest darkest secret ever and even now it almost brings me to tears to type this. One of my children with mental illnesses has been disturbed and has survived numerous attempts.There have been times where I have had to sit in a chair in her room and watch her all night while she sleeps. Everything is locked up in our house. I keep cleaning supplies in my desk at work and bring them home only to clean and then take them back. Everything is a battle with her. It's embarassing all the times we have an ambulance or cops come over. There is so much more that goes on.
Anyway, I can remember one really really awful period in our lives about a year ago where I honestly felt like had she not survived her attempts that life for me and her siblings would be easier.
There are a lot of days where I feel like I resent her inside. I just tell myself and try and remember that she is still the sweet girl I remember from her being a kid. What I resent is the person she is on meds and the depressed disturbed and self harming person she is when not on meds.
:(
Image credits: SalePending
"Parents can guide children toward seeing themselves as helpers by talking about how children's kind actions impact others. For instance, they might say, 'That was kind of you to help your brother with his block tower. He was sad when it fell down, and he felt happier when you helped him build it up again.' Or, 'Thank you for helping me put away the groceries. I'm happy that we got the job done quickly.'"
According to the psychologist, everyone makes mistakes and ends up doing something that isn’t kind. It’s inevitable that everyone will mess up at some point in their lives. That’s why parents shouldn’t jump to conclusions: they shouldn’t assume that a single mistake is an indication of “terrible things ahead.”
"Instead, acknowledge good intentions, describe the other person's feelings, and focus on moving forward. For instance, you could say, 'I know you're excited about going on the swings, but your sister also wants to swing, and she's sad that she hasn't had a turn yet.' Then, to move forward, you could ask, 'What can you do to help her feel better?' or 'What would be fair to everyone?'"
#13
I love my oldest son, but I don't like him. He's a compulsive liar and a self centered narcissist.#14
My dad likes to ask me "I bet you didn't know having kids would be so hard huh?" but no, I never in a million years figured how hard, and I by no means have it as bad as some in this thread.Basically it started at "terrible 2's" normal, ok. But wait no, 3's were terrible, and 4's, and 5's, all terrible. It's a bit of just a bad memory at this point with a few highlights that stand out.
Kindergarten started, the school called every day saying how his behavior was bad. He wouldn't sit down on the bus, wouldn't sit still in class, wouldn't stop talking. During grade school, getting a simple page of homework done took 2 hours because he would hide it, rip it, throw it away.
I couldn't read books to him at night, he would slap it out of my hands, or bounce around on the bed to the point I couldn't finish.
He would go into terrible rages as he got older but still in grade school, threatening to throw up on me, smash the table, turn chairs over. Had no concept of behavior vs punishment or reward. None. We tried everything we could think of. I could say "don't touch that thing" and turn my back for a second, and he was touching it. Short term goals, long term goals, immediate punishment, or 'atonement' in the form of making up for bad behavior with 'good works', nothing matters. Nothing was being learned.
He would steal food. Plenty of health choices were available, want to eat 5 ham sandwiches? Extra dinner? Sure! No. I'm taking eating an entire carton of ice cream, a brick of cheese, 5 Popsicle's in one sitting etc. We tried teaching portion control, teaching how it was unfair that he got 9 items out of a box of 10 when 4 of us were in the house. We tried telling him we needed for instance, a block of cheddar cheese for dinner the next night, but he could have the sliced cheese. Nope, he ate up the block.
He's not allowed to eat food in his room but we find empty cups, plates, bowls, etc everwhere. Bowl under the couch? Check. Old pizza under the blankets? Check. Empty ice cream carton in the closet? Yep. Half eat frozen dinner in a pile of laundry? You guessed it. This has been going on from around 7 until now, at 12.
He was on meds for a while, Focalin at first. His teachers at school called me in one day under the pretense of seeing him read. Instead I got ambushed about how unhappy he was, and how he really needed more reading help. The next day they said he was done with the special reading program. What?
He lies about homework. "I don't have any". Great well the school website says you do, where is it, show it to me? "Oh I forgot it in the my locker/I did it already/I turned it in already". Lies. When hiding it around the house didn't work out, he turned to saying it was at school, knowing I couldn't verify until it turned up as late on the online grade sheet.
He steals, just around the house so far. Can't have soda? That's ok I'll take it anyway. I want to impress a girl? I'll take my moms necklace. My chain broke, I'll take my brothers, even minutes after being told "don't even think about it". I want a game mom said I could have next week? No prob I'll steal her credit card and order it now, or steal my brothers money.
He's currently in detention after school on Weds and Fridays to help him get his work done. He is also grounded. He lied about not needing to go last Wed and didn't show up. He tried to do it this past Friday but I called his teacher and marched his butt back to school. He cried and screamed about that.
I nearly had more than a few nervous breakdown when the school has called me and let me know about terrible things he's told other kids at school. We got into therapy. I took hidden videos when he would flip out, because it was so nightmarish I sometimes couldn't even believe it even the next day.
He's threatened to take his own life because some girl didn't want to date him. We thought we had that talked out with the therapist. Another night when he ran home early which was unusual, and I got a bad feeling. Shortly after the police and paramedics showed up because he threatened to take his own life, and smeared my red lip gloss across his chest and took pictures, and said he had stabbed himself. That was a very expensive bill. The therapist thought we had it sorted out. Nope, soon as he got his cell phone back he messaged the girl saying he was extinct from infection.
He asked repeatedly why the rules are what they are, and even if we lay down the law he'll pester and pester and pester. He'll tell me entirely unnecessary things while I'm working even after being told I need to not be distracted.
We keep tabs on his web activity, xbox, tv viewing, and cell phone usage. We try to provide knowledge of the bad things, but not allow him to bask in it like many on the internet do. I'm not religious but I roll with "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" It's hard. Evil is pretty cool, in many young peoples minds. Trolling is funny to them. Being mean is funny.
We try to keep him occupied with sports and activities, but he needs action and monitoring what feels 24/7 and I can't DO IT.
We have 2 kids and the youngest, who is 8 now, is so much EASIER I want to cry. I would have NEVER had kids if I knew how much work the first one was going to be. NEVER.
Image credits: Throwitawayok22
#15
I lost all respect when the kid began pushing homeopathic products and therapies. When did this kid become convinced that this literal snake oil is good for people? When did science and logic lose out? What's even worse is that the kid still thinks their views are completely normal and mainstream. Meanwhile, I can't get over the numerous people being hurt by this completely useless hokum every day which my progeny is advocating. All of those 'clients' should be going to a real doctor. My own kid is actually a force for bad outcomes. It makes me ill.
Image credits: thatcantb
#16
I realized it recently, in therapy.It's not really them, per se. I realized about myself that I dislike children, period. That said, the presence of my kids in my life 24/7 has led to a great deal of resentment under the surface that I am now finally in touch with, which means now I'm also trying to deal with the guilt of feeling this way about the people I brought into this world.
I want - desperately - to be able to get in my car and drive to Alaska back just because I can. But I can't. I want to be able to have something called a "quiet weekend", assuming there is such a thing. I want to have money in the bank, better prospects for career advancement, the ability to take a risk like starting my own business. But I can't. I need the stable paycheck so that I can keep food on the table for the people in my house who took my wife away from me.
Meanwhile, my oldest is consistently lying to my face, my oldest two are constantly at war with each other over stupid shit, my third is special needs, I've got two in diapers, and this was all stuff that my wife and I walked into thinking it would be wonderful.
Worst of all: for her, it is wonderful, and that makes me the bad guy for having these feelings, since I'm obviously just being incredibly selfish.
You know what? She's right. I do feel like the bad guy for having these feelings, and I do feel like I'm being selfish, but I can't just snap my fingers and make these feelings go away.
I'm just hoping that one day, these children will grow up and get out of my house so I can have my wife back, assuming they don't take her out first.
Image credits: themage1028
#17
Throwaway for obvious reasons. I've struggled with deciding whether to post this, but I'm doing it because I'm hoping someone can offer a word of advice.I'm a stepparent. My wife has a son from her previous marriage. I'd like to add a little disclaimer before I list the reasons why I dislike/resent him: I'm not a shitty stepparent and actually try hard to be a good one. I "take the hit" in a sense because I'm really not fit for parenting, but I won't allow myself to turn out into a person he will hate later in life.
Like I said, I don't feel like I'm fit for parenting. I don't feel comfortable around children and that includes my stepson. I have a strong feeling that this is because I'm still young and it might change when I grow a bit older... But that's the main reason for my resentment - being responsible for a child makes me feel **old**. While my friends are getting together for parties, trips and whatnot, I'm stuck at home living a life around a school schedule.
It also doesn't help that his personality isn't exactly compatible with mine. I've tried to connect with the kid several times but we're just too different people. I'm introverted and enjoy conversation. My only successful approach with children is trying to teach them stuff or have them talk about stuff they like. My stepson though is more into making messes and speaking nonsense 99% of the time. I just can't connect with that. I don't know how to be one of those fun adults that turns into a child and plays with them.
Another thing that pisses me off is that the kid turns into a total brat on family trips. He complains and whines about everything almost all the time. I don't really feel like traveling with them anymore.
The short periods when he's away with his biological father are so cherished that I wish they'd never end. They allow me to get this glimpse of what life would be like if it were just the Mrs and me.
Someone might ask why I married someone that had a kid, and that's a really good question. As cheesy as this might sound, she is "the one" for me. There's no person I've ever felt so comfortable around and with whom I've connected so well. On top of that, she is very understanding of how I feel about her son... So no, I'm not getting out of that relationship.
Like I said, despite all of that I still make an effort to be a good parent. While I have issues connecting with him, I try to be as supportive as I can, be it helping with homework or encouraging them to partake in activities he enjoys. I also try to teach him good values and that seems to be well received.
Image credits: throwaway5289539
#18
I live and breathe sports and activity. His mother was a personal trainer and I was a gym rat, our first date was on a climbing wall. We got married in a canoe. We took trips all around the world. We lived life like a travel brochure.Our son was born with cerebral palsy and AMC, which basically means the joints in his arms and legs are locked up and will never move or develop. He will never walk or stand, he has limited use of his arms. We will never go fishing, canoeing or hike together. Everything that was so important to his mother and I's lives before him will never mean anything to him. In every way he is so unlike me that I struggle to relate to him at all. When he was born we both were in shock. He got rsv at 4 months and ended up in the picu. He wasn't expected to survive. Honestly? His mother and I discussed it and quietly agreed that it would be best that way. We stopped visiting. He's 11 now.
Mentally, he's above average. He gets As in a competitive private school. He competes in math and spelling bees. I hated school. He is cheerful, kind to animals and unfailingly polite. I was a sarcastic, rude little s**t who butted heads with everyone. For some reason he's still intent on impressing his parents, though I've rarely encouraged him. Despite all his wonderful traits I still try to avoid seeing him because it makes me feel guilty, depressed and disappointed, and I feel like s**t about that because all his accomplishments tell me is how much I should love him. Anyone else would be thrilled, right? If not thrilled about the medical care, at least impressed with his achievements.
I work long hours so that I can provide the best medical care he needs, the best education, anything material he could ever want. And so that I can stay away from him. Because I know he knows. He tries so hard that sometimes I'm afraid it's all a front to make it easier for us to like him.
Image credits: Amcthrowaway0000
#19
I dated a guy for five years, and he was the sole parent of a kid. He basically raised her barely above neglect levels. She had food, clothes, a room. But he would basically not do anything to care for her and wouldn't even see her for days on end. She was 6 when we met.I felt I had to step in and help out, and he basically dumped raising her on me. I was overwhelmed, resented the fact that I had to change my life and lifestyle for her. But when I would withdraw, she basically was left in her room (frequently "grounded" for minor infractions because it meant he had an excuse not to interact).
I tried to make things special for her, planned outings and whatnot. She never expressed gratitude, and would blow temper tantrums that things weren't enough, I wasn't spending enough money, or we went to the local amusement park when she wanted to go to Disney.
her father was manipulative. If I took time for myself, he would tell her it was because I was being "selfish". She picked up on this, and would threaten to tattle on me if I didn't do something or told her to take time. She told her grandparents her grades were bad because I didn't do it for her.
When her father and I split up, it was hard because I knew her dad wasn't willing to parent at all, and I knew she would be neglected. No one deserves that. But I had to get out of the bad, abusive relationship. We kept in touch for a while, but her dad started using her as a weapon. I broke contact.
Now she posts angry messages on Facebook directed at me. She is entering her teen years and blames her problems on me.
Image credits: Mouse98Hut
#20
My mother wanted a boy, had one before me but it was a miscarriage, I was conceived a year after, I was an early delivery, she was in coma for 2 weeks and after that she did not take me or touch me or look at me or even fed me for days. my dad took care of me and looked after me. she still curses me and wishes it was a boy
Image credits: Powerful-Slice-9
#21
I hate my daughter because she has all the bad characteristics of her mother — and none of the good ones. She's mean, aggressive, demanding, hits her classmates, gets violent when she doesn't get what she wants, breaks things that aren't hers, and yells loudly to overpower anyone around her when she can't use physical violence. She actually looks down on everyone around her; it's wild you can actually see it. She's 6.Obviously, I am not the one who raises her. She's got a hard life ahead of her. Poor girl.
Image credits: FBreath
#22
Because after his mom died , I stopped disciplining him. I thought if I gave him everything I never had ; coolest clothes , shoes, toys , dirt bikes, game consoles etc would make me a good parent. I was wrong. He's about to turn 18 and i can't even stand to be in the same room as him. He's manipulative, mean, arrogant and condescending. And it's all my fault.
Image credits: dakipsta
#23
I have two children, my eldest son was diagnosed with autism on the day my second son was born. My second son was then diagnosed with CP at nine months so it was overall a pretty sh**ty time for us. We resented our youngest for a while because we felt that if he wasn't born, then we would have been able to focus more on the eldest and his autism would have probably not as severe as it is now. But we let those feelings go some time ago. He is a wonderful younger brother and is doing very well. Our eldest son is also doing well and we can see that he has potential and it is up to us to unlock it. For us the mistake was never that we had children but rather that we were not educated/informed enough to make the right choices which could have prevented a lot of the issues we had during after pregnancy.
Image credits: jeanpope
#24
I recently gave up all parental rights to my only child, a son, after 13 years of dealing with his mother's lies, accusations, criminal and family lawsuits based on lies.I truly loved my son. I was an excellent father who did everything possible to teach him the value of truth, kindness and honesty in life.
I have been accused of starving him, beating him, doing cocaine, methamphetamine and heroin (none of which i do). I have had to invest thousands of dollars in legal fees to defend against false claims.
My son has picked up her lying manipulative ways, as well as her desperate need for all attention to focus on her. He has become a liar just like his mother, who supports her falsehoods with his own voice. He has threatened to shoot me, and himself with my business protection firearm.
For the safety of myself, and the safety of my wife, i have severed all ties, and allowed him to be adopted by his stepfather... who is an evil and manipulative man just as his mother is... he is on his own, in a world i know little about. I fought hard for him, but he continued to lie, not only supporting her outrageous claims, but also coming up with some of his own, for added flair.
After 12 years of crushing heartbreak, i gave up.
Life has been so much less stressful and crushing since. I do this knowing that I gave 150% of my self to parenting so my burden of guilt is minimal.
**EDIT:** Lots of people pointing out that I am not perfect. Agreed. I definitely have my faults.... Numerous, as humans tend to be. None-the-less... The level of hateful alienation exacted by this woman defies all logic. None of her drug claims were true. believe it or don't... The facts are facts. None of the abuse claimed was true. I never even spanked this child, for fear of the obvious; She would call CPS at the first possible opportunity.
he and I spent each visitation together, hiking, biking, reading, motorcycling, learning, traveling, camping, preforming kitchen science experiments for fun answers to random kid questions.... I don't claim that this makes me a saint. I do, RIGHTFULLY, claim that this makes me a good parent. more so than many modern parents offer to their children in the age of "electronic babysitting". I paid my child support for 13 years, never missing, While she told him I refused to pay or help her.
My mother has showed up to her home to pick him up for visitations, while she and her friends and family would hole up inside her home, and call the police to report that I was "storming down their door". Meanwhile, the police arrive and find that my 67 year old mother was out in the car, alone, not me... Imagine the sheriff's surprise! Why was my mother there instead of me you ask?? Because 2 weeks earlier the police showed up to my home, after i picked my son up, saying that i had pushed her down and slapped her.... again... believe it or not, i just didn't to these things. it's a fact, so i don't need approval on it.
There is, in this world, a growing disregard for what is right and moral. This woman, and those she surrounds herself with are part of that toxic society. It goes far beyond simple family discord. Remember, this child has already made a LETHAL threat of grave bodily injury to himself, and me. This is not to be taken lightly in our current times. I believe that this general loss of respect for others is exemplified in this woman, and the way she has chosen to approach our *former* parent/co-parent/child relationship. This toxic child-rearing has destroyed his chance at a normal perspective on life. he will always view the world through a lens of deceit and anger. I genuinely tried to help, but when he won't help himself, and goes further still, hurting me and my wife... I must draw a line somewhere.
Believe it or don't, I'm a good human being.
#25
While my problems aren't as serious as some of yours, I do resent my son. I fell pregnant when I while taking birth control. My husband and I had sworn that we wouldn't have kids, but kept this baby. He fell ill when he was a baby, and it ended costing thousands in bills and caused a lifetime of developmental problems. We treat him as if he is normal, don't tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him they have no idea that there is anything wrong.He has put a great strain on what was once a very good relationship. My husband and I were together for 4 years before having him. We rarely fought. After having him, we fight all the time. My husband works long hours to try and pay off all of the medical bills, which leaves me to basically be a single parent. We don't speak to my in laws because they tried to use my son as a pawn to make my husband hate me.
I love my son. I bust my a*s trying to give him a normal life. But I hate what he has done to the relationship I had with my husband. I hate the stress that his illnesses have put on my life.
Image credits: throwthisoneaway6789
#26
I don't dislike or hate my son but I damn sure have some resentments every now and then. I have a 5 year old with extreme behavioral/rage issues. They stem from a large dose of steroids required for a long period of time for a previous medical issue. I am not in the dark about these issues, I have a psychiatrist and counselor that we pay for for him. However, no one is willing to do anything because he is 5. No diagnosis. Barely medication (the wrong ones). I have had to inpatient hospitalize my 5 year old son twice. I have another child younger than him that was born around the time that all of this started happening and I just watch the difference between the two. I sometimes wish I could have switched and had her first because the only reason for trying again was so I could have a girl. I watch happy, functional families and it makes me angry because we have been burdened by this. We can't travel, we can't go to parks or things of that nature because he targets other children and I don't want to be that a*****e mom on the playground that just lets my son beat the s**t out of other kids. CPS is now involved for the 4th time in 2 years because at school he cracked a kid across the head with a rock because the school refuses to give him an IEP because he is so young. My husband and I have tried every parenting book, behavioral therapy method, strategy, etc. Nothing seems to work. Some days I just turn my phone on silent because I know its going to be the school calling me saying he wont sit still in class and keeps running out of the classroom acting like an a*s. But I have asked them repeatedly for an IEP and they refuse.Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than life itself, but it f*****g kills me to watch him have to live like this. He is so angry all of the time and sometimes I have to hold him in a full nelson on the floor crying so that he wont hurt himself or anyone else. I wish other parents knew what this torture was like. The constant self-doubt, and wondering where we went wrong. It is slowly killing my marriage and I honestly wouldn't blame my husband if he did leave, in fact I'd probably send our daughter with him just to make sure she was safe.
So yes, I completely understand where some of these other parents in this thread are and I don't judge anyone anymore when they say their kids have pushed them to the edge. I've been there and back so many times, I have the route memorized.
Image credits: SilentEnigma1210
#27
I love my kids dearly, but there are definitely times I don't like them in the moment. My son has ADHD and maybe a bit on the aspie spectrum (never been evaluated for it but there's things that make me suspicious) and there are some times when he is ridiculously loud, invasive, obnoxious, disrespectful, etc. and seems literally incapable of stopping himself from doing it, or noticing that he's been asked to knock it off, or applying anything he's been told to the next time a similar situation comes up to not get in trouble again for the exact same thing. Then he acts like we're being unreasonable if we get upset or impose consequences for things like continuing to repeat the same loud, inappropriate statement after being clearly told to stop multiple times.I know he wants to be a good person and cares about others for the most part, but when it comes to actually implementing these things, sometimes he just can't, and between just being annoyed and frustrated with him and feeling at fault for whatever imaginary failing must have existed in my parenting (or more likely his bio dad's genetics) to make him like this, there are times I can hardly stand him.
Still, I'm his mom and I love him and I'm never going to give up on him unless absolutely necessary to prevent harm to myself or my other kids, if he ever gets as bad as his father was about certain things. As more people get vaccinated and we are closer to the "end" of the pandemic, I'm going to start looking for a therapist with some experience with these things.
Image credits: Dragoness42
#28
God help me, but I really do not like my son. He's boorish, self-aggrandizing, and prone to pulling together two or three disparate things that have most recently come up in conversation and then crafting them into an absurd anecdote or lie. He has, since even the time when he was a tiny child, routinely let things tumble out of his mouth that mortify me. He's nearly 25 now, thank fuck, but for the entirety of his school years I would go to parent/teacher conferences and watch the same sequence play out, again-and-again... I would meet the teacher, we would shake hands and I would already be able to make out the look of disgust on their face. Their expression would so obviously be "Oh, so this is the prick who formed this little asshole's personality, huh?" Then, as they would spend time with me and realize that I appeared to be an ok human being, they would begin unspooling to me every shitty/awful thing he had said to them and the other kids in his class. One time, my lily-white son was trying to get the attention of a little girl who sat beside him and, when she didn't jump to quick enough for him, he said "Excuse me, BLACK GIRL, may I have your attention?" We tried immersing him with loving, inclusive groups at school, at our church, and any hobby/sport/interest that came along that he showed enthusiasm for... He was never invited to a classmate's birthday party more than once... Worst of all? He continually sees himself as a victim. It's not that the shitty things he says to people are the problem... It's that they are too simple to understand how he really means them. They are simply too stupid to realize how awesome/brilliant/cool he is... Oh, it makes me sad. It truly does. I hate him and he won't go away.
Image credits: [deleted]
#29
I dont dislike my kids, but I really do hate the life i have. People say the kids don’t need to change your way of living. But they do. They really do. Everything gets more expensive, you can’t be spontaneous in the same way as before kids etc. There are so much things that are so much harder to do now and I feel so trapped and lonely.
Image credits: sweet-royal-blue
#30
Not my child, but my husband's youngest son from his first marriage. I don't hate him, I care very much for him, but he is impossible to like. He's 12, and completely incapable of entertaining himself in any way. If he isn't pacified with television or some other electronic device, he's wandering the house being as loud and obnoxious as possible because bad attention is still attention. If you give him attention or try to find an activity to do together, he'll simply try to use that as a bargaining chip to get something else he wants later.He will do anything to play video games, and if you allow it, he will play all day without getting dressed or eating. He will also pretend to be sick to stay home from school to play video games. He has a time limit, but will lie and sneak to try to play longer. Taking away these things does no good. He'll continue to be an obnoxious, annoying s**t until he can play again. Sometimes I let him play so he will stop bothering everyone in the house.
He's a chronic bed wetter, so he frequently smells like urine, he's got issues with s******g his pants sometimes too and swears that he has no idea when or how it happens. He's been to numerous doctors and counsellors who tell us to give him fiber. He's been instructed to change out of dirty clothes and put them in the wash, but he won't admit to it. Instead, when he soils his pants, he'll often hide them somewhere until his disgusting cache is discovered and he gets in trouble. His punishment is usually a video game ban, but his behavior never changes. I love my husband more than anything, and his other kids and my kid are no issue at all, just the ok youngest. I feel like a monster.
Image credits: Guiltystepmother
#31
My ex had a severely autistic brother. Non verbal except for humming which he would do 24/7. My ex liked to pretend her parents loved her brother but it was super obvious they divorced because of him. They fought tooth and nail on who would keep their normal daughter and who would keep their autistic son. They both wanted her.
Image credits: CattBooty
#32
Not a parent, not my kid, but I've been forced into the role of parent and I can't help but hate him.I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, I love him dearly and our relationship has always been great. We're young, 23 and 22. Last year his mother passed away unexpectedly due to complications with surgery.
He has a younger half brother who is 17 so he needs a guardian for one more year, can't be too bad right? Wrong.
He is a slob. 17 years old and almost 400 pounds. He eats everything. Literally everything. We decide to have tacos, so we cook up enough meat to have plenty of left overs for the next day, we tell him not to eat it all. Wake up the next morning, it's all gone. A normal person shouldn't eat this much! We still have taco fixings left so we'll have tacos again later on right? Nope, he decides to eat all the queso, just plain from the jar with a spoon and lies about it when confronted.
We have to physically go into his room and make him bring out all the dirty dishes to wash or we won't have enough clean dishes.
I know he's going through a rough time (he's eating habits have been like this forever though) so I try to do nice things, once a grocery store visit I pick up a nice little snack to have in the house. Popcorn seems safe right? Nope, all 8 bags gone in two days. I bought a two litter once trying to be nice, he drunk it all in an hour.
He goes to school, he has decent grades, he's turned down therapy multiple times. He comes home from school and plays LoL all day, I have to threaten to take away his computer to get him to do anything around the house to help out. He eats, sleeps, and plays video games.
We have to threaten to take away the computer to get him to shower. He's not interested in picking up any hobbies. We've tried to include him in so much, I've given up taking him places. I can't stand one more time of finally getting a chance to go somewhere I've been wanting to go, like the zoo for example. We take him a long and he seems happy to go. But once we get there it's just whining about how hot it is, how far he has to walk, how animals are dumb, how he's hungry, how he'd rather be at home. And then the drive home is just him trying to convince us to go to every fast-food restaurant we pass.
I feel like a bad person for resenting the guy, I know he's going through a lot with his mom's passing and maybe I'm selfish, but I hate the strain he's put on me and my boyfriend both mentally and financially. We're young, were trying to pay for college and a house and take care of our selves. We can't keep affording to feed him on these habits.
I've started taking to setting his portion of food aside from the rest of the meal but it doesn't matter, after we go to bed he'll devour the left overs. I can't begin to tell you how nice it would be to have an actual left over night, but we can't, we have to cook every night.
I can't deal with his shinning and crying if he's computer is taken away or how we've "ruined his day/life" He's just so ungrateful it drives me crazy. We've basically put our lives on hold for the next year to make sure he has a normal last year of high school and he's such an ungrateful brat.
He's always been spoiled and given his way while growing up. "He's a growing boy" "he's just a kid" No, he's 17 years old and acts like a 12 year old because all you people have babied him his whole life. You've set him up for failure.
I don't have it bad, I know. I'm only in this for one year and it could be so much worse, I just really needed to get that off my chest. So many other people in here have it so much worse, I can't imagine what it's like for most of the posters here.
#33
I love my children dearly, but I don't like them a lot of the time. I don't feel as connected to them as I think I should anymore. For the first few years of their life, I was almost the sole care provider, but once they gained some coordination, became 'interesting,' and arguably more durable, their father started taking a more active role. And both times, my relatively well-behaved, moderately quiet children changed. I accept that wrestling, play fighting, and pranks are a thing — but now there's so much attitude, and screaming, and entitlement.When I stopped being able to be the fun parent, my sway over them ended, and I feel guilty as all hell that I can only stand being with them together for limited periods of time — I low-key dread family activities. I don't want to roughhouse like their father; I can't handle the yelling, screaming, and the damn high-pitched squealing. They are completely different when they're away from their father and sibling. It took a long time to accept the people they are becoming. I'm waiting until being the more conventionally useful parent is a good thing to them again.
#34
Sibling here. My mom has told me she flat-out hates my sister — she just has zero patience for her c**p. I honestly don't blame her because my sister is 21 but behaves like she's still 16. She's very dramatic, self-centered, fake, rude, and especially abusive toward family members.#35
My son is 13, and he is just angry. He mopes around and is only content when he is playing those damned video games. But when we let him play too much he is just horrible afterwards.When I was his age, I was angry too. So, I understand him better than he realizes.
He has always been a sweet kid, and I know that he will be again when we get through this. but right now, we just don't have much in common. So, it isn't that I don't like him. He just isn't very pleasant to be around these days.
#36
Dear God, where do I start?Mine is a lying, manipulative user who sucks up every amount of goodwill and charity from people before she turns on them. She is either unwilling or incapable of doing ANYTHING for herself, yet she treats every functioning adult as if they're stupid and have no idea what they're talking about. She lives for instant gratification and is unable to see more than about ten seconds in the future. When that complete lack of motivation and foresight ends up with entirely predictable consequences, she blames everyone around her for conspiring against her.
She got pregnant right after graduating high school and moving out. Upon delivery, she wanted nothing to do with the baby. My wife and I were the ones who took it home from the hospital and have been raising it. Our daughter treats her own child like a plaything and only sees it rarely to show off for people. Otherwise, she's not around.
She recently started a fairly long stint in jail. My wife has been sending her about $50 a week for phone calls and commissary. We found out she's been collecting similar amounts from lots of other people, claiming nobody has been helping her.
#37
He invested my retirement in gamestop...#38
I love my daughter. I really, really love her. It's not her I resent - it's the situation I am in.I am 23 years old. My daughter's violent father is in prison for crimes against me, and her (I live in the UK, so he only got seven years - one count of rape, one count of sexual assault of a child under 13, he'll be out when he's served HALF of that). She's 22 months old, was 3 months old when he was arrested. She's a blissfully happy child - but she's been living with my sister and her husband for 9 months as I've been struggling to cope with the situation. I've tried to kill myself, I self-harm, I'm on a lot of medication. My beautiful little girl is coming back to live with me at the end of the year - and I am terrified. I have her on my own every weekend and some weeknights, and stay at my mother's every week with her so I have some support. But I don't know what to do. I feel trapped when she's around. She looks so much like her father and having her with me is a constant, painful reminder of it all. She adores me and is very clingy when we're together (totally natural, but I find it suffocating). The guilt and shame is crushing and I struggle with the most basic of things. I have no money (I had to leave my job and am on disability benefits, what Americans call welfare... my current income is less than just my rent and my savings are almost gone).
What do I do? I just want the ground to open up and swallow me so I don't have to face this. I can't be honest about my feelings to family, or friends. They just want me to 'get better' so I can take my daughter home and everything can be all sunshine and roses. It won't be. I wish I was dead.
#39
He did terrible in school, became a drug dealer, squatted in a house owned by the family, decided it’d be a good idea to start a METH LAB in the basement of said house, and then hired a crappy tv lawyer to blackmail us into selling the house back to him!#40
Not a throwaway account because you guys are all strangers anyway. So I resent having my daughter because when I got pregnant I planned to give her up for adoption because I was 19 when I got pregnant. I had a wonderful gay male couple in mind. Long story short I had the baby and her father and I were still together when she was born. Got post partum depression / psychosis after I had her. Had to spend 2 weeks in the hospital and as soon as I got home had to take care of her all by myself. I lived with my baby father and his parents and took care of him and the baby all by myself for two years. All he did was sit and play video games for twelve hours a day and ignore me and her. He never fed her, changed her diaper, held her, or even watched. All the while he would lie to his parents and tell them he was helping me with her. I also worked full time overnight shift and took care of her when I got home so he could go to school. He is also 5 years older then me, an army veteran, and went to school on the GI Bill. I tried to plan a wedding while working and taking care of a child and a grown man. After I couldn't take it anymore I left him and the baby at his parents and trying to improve my life. I regret leaving her and now trying to get her back. My bipolar 2 is a huge block for me taking care of her and him.TL,DR: Wanted to give child up for adoption, convinced to keep her, got post partum psychosis, still took care of him and her, man neglected me, left him and her, trying to get her back don't want him.
#41
Probably because they're too much like me. I like to think that as a parent part of my job is to eliminate my foibles by helping my children be better than me. My failure as a parent instead has been to create copies; what I dislike about them is also what I hate about myself.Sometimes the harder you try the bigger you fail.
Image credits: Canadabigjack
#42
I can say there was a brief period in time where I disliked my youngest. I need to say I loved him and would have given up my life life for him but I did not like him. He was preteen and was trying to test the limits of our parenting and would question and/or resist EVERYTHING! It was a trying time but now (17) he is probably my best friend and we enjoy being together and working on project around the house.#43
My babys mother molded him into something i never wanted him to be and I could do nothing about it. I wanted so badly only to show him what love is but her wicked ways proved too resilient and now hes destined to the life of an outlaw. He never stood a chance#44
Ok. I read through the other answers and am going to give this my two cents, even tough I am the child and not the parent.This has come up after many years in therapy, mostly classical psychoanalysis.
My mother does not like me because she never got attached to me at birth. A year before my twin sister and I were born, our parents had triplets who all died after a few days. Untreated trauma followed. I was born nearly suffocated and poorly, so my mother, wanting to protect herself from more trauma, never attached to me. She did however to my twin sister who was born healthy and thrived.
Years went by and this initial lack of attached turned into resentment or dislike during my childhood because by the time we were eight years old, our parents were divorced, and I physically resembled my dead-beat father. This only worsened during my teenage years as I was beginning to act up years of neglect and became depressed. She disliked the signs of her own doing neglectful parenting and lack of love in me. I remind her of that.
Ever since we have pretended to get along, but the relationship is never really there. I am a mother of two myself now and have taken all of this on board trying to do better. I am also trying to understand her. That ultimately this was not her fault.
#45
I'm not a parent but my uncle and aunt really hate their son because he's accomplished nothing in life and is a complete failure but still has an ego higher than the Mount Everest. He's always mean to everyone.#46
I love both my kids, and I generally like them just fine, too. But my youngest is almost 5, and she's going through some kind of regression in being able to control her emotions right now. It's not fun.Her moods are very mercurial, and I feel like I always have to tiptoe around her because the slightest little things will set off a bout of incoherent rage in her.
#47
Well, I have to differentiate "liking" your kid vs loving your kid. I definitely love my teenage daughter, but I also definitely don't "like" her (right now).My daughter is an only child and has ADHD (diagnosed, meds, etc). She's also extremely smart. And like many (most?) teenagers, she's quite narcissistic. So it's a tough combo - She doesn't want to be around us, mistrusts us, has all of these fantasies about what terrible things we would do in various situations (that never transpire), absolutely refuses to learn anything from us (such as how to drive), or share in her life in any way (such as pleading with us not to attend her softball games). Other stuff as well. She says she doesn't hate us, but in practice she effectively does.
Of course, I don't blame her - We didn't get the ADHD diagnosed until last year so it's been messing things up for a while. Looking back, had we understood her ADHD we definitely would have parented her differently, which I feel terrible about now.
I also know that because her brain/maturity is underdeveloped, that eventually she'll come around and treat us better when she's old. So our current suffering is just "temporary" (as in a few more years).
But do I like the situation, or do I like her? No I can't say that I do, not right now. Mostly I want to get this phase over with, have her move on to college (presumably) such that I don't have to deal directly with her every day.
Image credits: DR_COOL
#48
I was with my dad quite a few years back on a mini road trip when he straight up told me that he didn't love my brother anymore. Yeah, flew right past "dislike" and said he just didn't even have any love for him. My brother has put my parents through hell for years, and continues to do so to this day through means of manipulation and selfishness. I haven't spoken to him in nearly 3 years. I know my mom still holds onto the hope that maybe, just maybe he'll turn a corner but it'll never happen. Not now.Still, even though I have no real feelings for him, it was weird to hear my dad drop that bomb on me about my brother. No parent, no matter what, ever wants to lose the love of their child.
#49
I love my child deeply, and generally I like her very much, but right now she's living with me as a young adult in a tiny space. No doubt we don't like each other much lately. She rightly resents the limits in what I was able to provide for her now and as a child, and I wish she could go make young person mistakes somewhere else, and leave me in peace. But we will be ok.#50
I love my child and want her to have a lot of fun and have the best life.But at her age, kids are super irritating and you can only handle them in limited time periods without losing your mind.
#51
I knew someone who obviously disliked her daughter because the child didn’t meet unrealistic expectations: Fix the parent’s life, be convenient, share the same interests, be entertaining, etc. The more disappointed and regretful the mom got, the more she needed to justify her disdain for her daughter, so the regret became replaced with overt dislike based on made-up reasons.#52
I can answer on behalf of my parents as I have been first handed informed by them why.Mom was certified barren. She did not have her period until after she had me.
My dad asked her to abort me as I was unplanned.
She refused as her religion forbade abortions.
My dad refuse to have anything to do with me or be there for her for my birth.
So she blames my dad bad treatment of her on my existence. Many times when she fights with my dad, she will blame me for it and say I was the cause of her husband treating her badly.
Both my parents have always told me I was a weirdo too. My mom always express her disappointment to me that I wasn't her ideal child physical appearance wise.
But yea, basically because she was told she was barren by gynecologists. So in a way, she didn't use protection due to wrong information given by the experts.
It wasn't that she was being irresponsible.
But she couldn't abort because of her deep belief she would be punished for it in after life, forever in hell or something for committing the sin of abortion.
So she resents having to birth me and also suffer her husband's wrath as a result. She said it was my fault my dad stop being loving towards her.
#53
He is a 12 year old with no concern for personal hygiene and also manipulates me with the best hugs. Wash your feet you disgusting brat.#54
I feel like an a*s because there parents in this thread with horrible problems and here I am disliking my son because he's a rude, inconsiderate little s**t half the time. I don't know what happened to my sweet little boy, only that he disappeared into a fog of whining selfishness.#55
LET THE DOWNVOTES BEGIN!He was autistic.
Now, this wasn't my son, but my step son. I started dating, and eventually marrying the mother when he was a baby/toddler respectively.
I can't remember the exact age, but we started noticing he had what we thought were 'hearing problems'. But tests came up negative.
We eventually found out they were cognitive issues. Around 4 he was diagnosed.
I've always believed the point of having children is not to HAVE CHILDREN, but to RAISE FUTURE ADULTS.
After this, I couldn't ever connect with him. He kept falling farther and farther behind. Fortunately he had joint custody with mom and dad, so I didn't have to put up with him often. I would usually view it as a 'chore'. No, I was never mean, or abusive, or anything. I just thought of him as something to be 'tolerated'.
It was one of (Not the only one) the factors in our divorce.
His is late teens now (ex and I stayed friends) and has about the developmental skills of an 8 year old.
I think there would have been a pretty decent chance my ex and I would have worked out if he had either never been born, or had been born normal.
A 'special needs' child is not a 'gift' or a 'miracle'. They are a terror.
