This Australian IG Account Documents Ugly Houses In Melbourne, And They Are So Bad, It’s Hilarious (89 Pics)

October 13, 2021

Not everything in Australia is "upside down". Sure, their Christmas is in the summer and they might have a BBQ to celebrate it, but in some ways, they're just like us Northern Hemisphere folks. Our fascination with bad architecture, for example, is equally obsessive.

Turns out, the Irish, Belgians, and Dutch aren't the only ones shaming their native buildings on Instagram. There's an account called Ugly Melbourne Houses doing precisely the same on the other end of the world.

Taste is universal. I know. But ironically, it's what allows this online project to make fun of the houses it wants to. Here are some of them!

More info: Instagram

#1 Amy's Winehouse

#2 They Forgot The Plaster Lions

#3 Proudness Doesn't Even Begin To Describe How I'm Feeling After Receiving This Piece Of Moderne Arte Collage In My Inbox

#4 Picasso's Lovechild

#5 How's Everyone's Week Been? Chaotic? Jumbled? Overly Complicated? Yep. Me Too

#6 Hang On. Wait... What?! Your Therapist And Your Massive Inflatable Santa Supplier Are The Same Person?!

#7 Perfectly Pitched For A Neighbourhood Near You

#8 If Large Cars = Small-Membered Owners, What On Earth Does This Symbolise?

#9 The Hills Have Eyes

#10 Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico

#11 Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths

#12 When A Friend Doesn't Invite You To Their House And You're Really Quite Relieved About It Actually

#13 Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House

#14 Some Cardboard Boxes On A Rocky Outcrop

#15 I Think They Could've Squeezed Another One In

#16 Knit My Bricks Up

#17 Business In The Front, Party In The Back

#18 Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza

#19 All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia

#20 Those Aren't Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes

#21 Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?

#22 That’s A Serious Sixpack

#23 Wizard's Spaceship Marina Rocket Discoteque Pants Hot Tub Balcony Time Machine Post Moderne

#24 Melborgian "Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First" Robot Moderne

#25 Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go

#26 This House Never Skips Column Day

#27 Life Is Just About Trying To Do The Very Best You Can Do With The Size Of Window That You Have

#28 Barbie's Dream House

#29 Nuthin Ron With This

#30 It Looks Like A Shower

#31 High Tight Brick Pants

#32 Caravan Of Courage

#33 Animal Print Is A Neutral

#34 How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Exciting With Lots Of Variety? Or Just Pretty Much Exactly The Same With Very Slight Shades Of Difference

#35 Are Your Friends Hassling You To Have A Big One Tonight? But You’re Feeling A Little Too Dilapidated Castle... Why Not Stay In And Relax. You’ll Feel A Lot Less Overgrown And Smelling Like Something Died Inside You Tomorrow Morning

#36 The Correct Amount Of Miniature Grand Ceremonial Arch

#37 Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”... Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long

#38 Incomplete Spacestationist Moderne

#39 Cloudsome

#40 How's Everyone's Week Been? Inexplicably Complicated? Full Of Giant Setbacks? Lacking Any Real Over-Arching Logical Thematic Or Stylistic Aesthetic Direction? Yeh Mine Too

#41 1980s Beige Tubular Trouser Slacks Columns Giraffe Compliant Accounting Conference Centre Post Moderne

#42 When You Really Need A Haircut After Lockdown

#43 A Prickly Situation Waiting To Happen

#44 Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion

#45 When Your Dating Profile Said “Homely”, I Didn’t Think It Would Actually Mean “Massive, Vacant, And Covered In Tatts”

#46 We All Need A Friend Who's Always There To Temporarily Support Your Facade

#47 It Helps Steer The Eye Away From The 50's Kitchen Table Laminate Facade

#48 Something Something Windows

#49 Robot Winter Is Coming

#50 Maison De La Razor Sharp Deep Space Accountant’s Lunchtime Workout Shellsuit Tracksuit Jumpsuit Pants Suit A La Angles De La Bangles

#51 Mix N' Match Tiny Hamptons Picnic Time Active Wear Tracksuit Pants Moderne

#52 Sometimes The Biggest Risks We Take Are Those We Take With Our Hearts. Our Canopies. And All Those Other Bits. Everywhere

#53 In N' Out Under Over-Deconstructionism-Ness

#54 Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout

#55 The Correct Amount Of Massively Over-Scaled Balcony Addition

#56 Stay Strong Old Fella... That Concrete Panel Wall Is Probably More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Him

#57 Nice Hat Dude

#58 The Empire Sets Back

#59 Aqua Marina Moque Tudor Wizard

#60 Giants Also Need Homes

#61 Exactly Correctly The Precise Amount Of Just A Bit Too Much Of Not Enough Of The Least Amount Of What Was Required... There

#62 A Short Time Ago, In A Suburb Not That Far Far Away

#63 Seamlessness-Ness

#64 Exactly The Correct Amount Of Quite A Lot Of Garages

#65 When It's Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking 'Bout The Weekend

#66 And On The Eighth Day, The Awlmitey Created Faux Neo Baroque Open Roller Disco Porticos

#67 Gold Coast House Of The Year

#68 Adidas Tracksuit Pants Moderne

#69 In Life, Most Things Are Half As Good As You Think They’ll Be 50% Of The Time

#70 Are You Struggling To Go Beyond One Word Descriptors For Fugly Houses You Encounter?

#71 Facade Du La Kit Kat

#72 Maison De La Triple Ripple Elongated Bo Beep Mansard Fairy Prairy Princess A La Lovingly Tended White Rose Promendade

#73 Dude... You’re Looking Really Tired

#74 Life Can Sometimes Feel Like You Are Dragging Yourself Up A Hill Sideways Wearing A Heavily Monotoned Concrete Render Suit Weighed Down By A Massively Oversized Entry Portico

#75 Wavy Flagstone Spaceship Accountancy Surfshop Conference Centre Moderne

#76 The Absolute Bare Minimum Amount Of Quite A Lot Of House

#77 2021 Is Gonna Be All About Making Things That Look Like They Shouldn't Be That Complicated Look Slightly More Complicated Than Less Complicated Versions Of A Far More Complicated Version Of Their Most Complicated Self

#78 Don’t Forget People... You’ve Only Got Til June 30 To Make Your Home Giraffe Ready

#79 Heritage Hard Drive Moderne

#80 The Best Amount Of Arches