Carvens Lissaint – Beauty Part 3 (Inspired by Mega) [Video]

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Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

00:04
he said
00:07
hey yo fat ass yo biggie mc fat fat
00:11
yo you so fat i’m gonna blow all the
00:13
[ __ ]
00:14
fat people up on one island and make a
00:16
big ass bowl a chunky suit
00:19
he said you so black you gotta eat oreos
00:22
with some white gloves
00:25
he said you so fat it look like you got
00:28
two midgets in the headlock oh he said
00:32
you ain’t have no nipples
00:36
she said i mean carvings i mean like
00:38
you’re handsome and everything but like
00:41
i mean you’re like my brother we can’t
00:43
she said
00:45
oh my god how did you get your skin that
00:48
color
00:48
she said she said you know what this is
00:52
what she said i was little guy this is
00:53
what she said
00:53
she was like carbons you’re so ugly you
00:56
should kill yourself
00:59
he said how do you stop black people
01:02
from coming to your house
01:03
you hang one in the front he said
01:08
your fat ass i want you to have a stroke
01:10
when you running up them steps she said
01:13
you should kill yourself
01:17
and when i was in the fifth grade
01:20
i wrote a suicide note
01:24
and that was the first time i believed
01:26
someone loved my writing
01:29
in the fourth grade my valentine told me
01:31
that i couldn’t be seen with her because
01:33
all the kids might actually think she
01:34
liked me
01:36
in the third grade i ate lunch by myself
01:39
every day in the second grade
01:42
a kid punched me in my mouth at the end
01:44
of recess
01:45
two of my teeth fell to the pavement i
01:48
laid on the ground
01:49
blood spilling from my lips for 15
01:52
minutes before anyone asked if i was
01:54
okay
01:54
in the first grade a white girl at snack
01:56
time told me that my skin looked like i
01:58
never took a shower she’s never seen
02:00
something so black in kindergarten i was
02:03
the only student who stood awake
02:05
during nap time know feeling alone
02:10
is not foreign to me
02:13
in the classroom children spoke the
02:15
harsh language of tear gas
02:17
i cried and more bathroom stalls than i
02:20
can remember learning my bullies were
02:22
swatsikas dressed in catholic school
02:25
uniforms
02:26
the machete eyes the machete eyes of my
02:29
peers would carve smiles out of my face
02:31
like a jack-o’-lantern they always
02:34
needed an overweight
02:35
dark-skinned target to dart through a
02:38
pinata to hang
02:39
in the nucleus of the playground while
02:41
each kid took a swing
02:43
i learned how to hate myself at such an
02:45
early age i wrote
02:47
god doesn’t love me on the inside of all
02:49
of my notebooks i would pray
02:51
every night to be a superhero asking
02:54
anyone who watched over me if they can
02:56
grant me the power of invisibility
02:58
so i could vanish off the face of
02:59
humanity each time
03:01
my confidence was steamrolled to the
03:03
concrete you know
03:04
my freshman year of high school my
03:06
stomach and muffin top was so big
03:08
i can barely see my feet i used to
03:10
breathe like a coughing motorcycle
03:12
my sophomore year i wanted a girlfriend
03:15
so bad
03:16
i used to practice making out with the
03:18
mirror just so it would be perfect when
03:20
i finally fell in love my junior year
03:22
i grew a foot taller i lost 30 pounds
03:25
but still was heavy with
03:26
self-consciousness my
03:28
senior year i was the most popular kid
03:30
in school but still
03:31
saw a sea of faces cackling at me
03:33
whenever i turned my back my
03:35
freshman year of college i started
03:37
having sex with women in hopes to find
03:40
myself in the museum of their pelvis to
03:43
gyrate my hips under the bodies of their
03:45
sweat and the temples
03:47
crashing ice to pound bodies into the
03:50
spine of my mattress screaming
03:52
to the top of my lungs what’s my name
03:55
just so they can remind me who i was
03:58
depression
04:04
depression depression
04:07
can drive humans to very hollow places
04:11
places where flocks of vultures lurked
04:13
and the things that i found beautiful
04:15
and i often ask myself
04:17
am i beautiful am i worth glancing at
04:20
twice
04:21
can anyone love me as much as i love god
04:24
does everything really happen for a
04:26
reason or am i just some laughing stock
04:28
of this inside joke the whole world is
04:30
in on but me it took
04:32
almost two decades of living on this
04:34
earth to finally love myself
04:38
if you only knew if you only knew how
04:42
hard it was to write this poem
04:45
how hard it is to embrace every stretch
04:47
mark like a lifeline when i feel dead
04:49
inside to say
04:50
to say that my skin color is a shade of
04:53
armor that can never be bruised to say
04:56
to say that my smile to say that my
04:59
smile
05:00
is a page of the bible that my face is a
05:02
halo that spent its entire life
05:04
basking in the sun i learned how to love
05:08
my weakness i wear my insecurities like
05:11
a good suit to a job interview
05:13
i’m awkward i’m awkward i’m
05:16
awkward i’m awkward and i love it i make
05:19
a fool
05:20
of myself i make a fool of myself but
05:22
still have the confidence of a firefly
05:24
buzzing in the gut of a cave i cry
05:27
i cry and i fight and i cry and i fight
05:31
and i
05:31
cry i cry and i fail and i fall
05:35
and i get the [ __ ] back up
05:43
i
05:46
i’m no longer afraid to stumble
05:49
to fall flat on my face and look around
05:52
like nothing
05:52
happened to turn this center stage into
05:55
a playground
05:57
have you all look at me live in my own
05:59
skin and wake up every morning
06:01
look deep into the mirror and say you
06:03
know what
06:05
you know what carvins i love you
06:09
[Applause]
06:11
i love you so much
06:14
and you are beautiful
06:21
[Applause]
06:27
you

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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