A few years ago several couples that I know welcomed new daughters into their households and I wrote a piece called 5 Unsolicited Truths for New Parents, a marginally clever 500 words about bowel movements and hormone changes. It holds up pretty well but it occurred to me this past week that there is another thing impossible to fully explain to new parents: how completely useless it is to develop any sort of preconceived notion about what your child’s personality may be and how fascinating it is to watch them develop into their own unique little person. It’s our job to embrace that uniqueness, to let them be themselves and find their own path to happiness.
I’ve talked about it enough here that even a casual reader may find themselves skipping ahead, but I’m still constantly amazed by the variety of things that my daughter enjoys, her willingness to try new things and her complete contempt for anybody that tries to tell her that she can’t do something. She’s leaning towards wearing the same Halloween costume as last year, Mal from Disney’s The Descendants, but also still not fully ruled out are Wonder Woman, a Ninja, an Octopus, or Harry Potter. On any given day she might feel like biking or dancing, playing with dolls or trucks, wearing dresses or boxing gloves. Sometimes both at once.
It’s not just her. Most of her little friends are also badasses, just as likely to be found playing catch in the backyard or having simulated sword fights as having tea parties or making slime. They are the beneficiaries of growing up in the age of Serena Williams and Danica Patrick, Star War’s Rey and The Avenger’s Black Widow.
In this respect, they are lucky they are girls.
It’s a lesson that boys sometimes learn the hard way, this box that they still find themselves forced into.
It’s something my man Roberto at An Interdisciplinary Life has been dealing with for years, something that Aaron at The Daddy Files has spent the past few days fighting. The idea that it’s OK for girls to like “boy stuff” but that a little boy that likes dresses or pretty nails needs to be immediately discouraged before…what exactly? I never really understood that part of the argument.
Aaron’s son is five and didn’t think that there was anything wrong with wearing his bright red nail polish to kindergarten but apparently even at that age gender stereotypes are already established enough for him to come home crying and confused, devastated that his friends were picking on him.
I think that sucks.
It also sucks that when he went to twitter to rant about it ( you can find it here ) I was completely blown away by how overwhelmingly supportive and compassionate the vast majority of the responses were. Where are we as a society when kindness and empathy for a five year old come as a surprise?
My favorite part of the story is that he wore it again today. He wore his nail polish, Aaron wore his and a ton of other guys did too.
One of the best parts of being a little kid is not giving a fuck what other people think about you. It’s an attitude that needs to be encouraged for as long as possible, whether that child is a little girl that likes camouflage pants and Incredible Hulk bicycle helmets or a little boy that carries his cars around in a purse and thinks red nails are pretty.
Personally, I prefer purple.
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This post was previously published on thirstydaddy.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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