Everyone Really Does Hate You When You Bring Your Kids Out to Eat — Here’s the Proof

January 05, 2023

When my first baby was about 9 months old, we went out to Denny’s for a family meal — the fact that I remember this meal 8 years on tells you something about how it went.

It was bad. First, she screamed about being put in the high chair, so she sat on my lap. Then she screamed about that, and we put her back in the high chair, where she enthusiastically banged her sippy cup on the plastic tray until we finally took it away; tears and screaming ensued. Then, she shoved her whole, tiny fist repeatedly into her macaroni, a $12 kid’s dish that she turned into a sensory play activity in two minutes flat.

To top it all off, she finished the evening with a blowout. (If you don’t know what that is, you’re probably not a parent and I urge you to enjoy this time in your life in which that term is not a part of your vocabulary.)

Needless to say, the prospect of going out to eat with my kids in tow now has given me some impressive anxiety.

I remember a time in my life in which Denny’s was the place to go at 2 a.m. for strong coffee and french toast drowning in syrup after a night of hard partying. While we were a loud and boisterous bunch in those days, too, I still think my daughter was louder, and now that my high-energy son has been thrown into the mix? It’s spectacle soup.

I avoid it, not because it’s not something I can handle, but because I hate being despised by an entire restaurant of adults who probably just want to enjoy their overpriced pasta in relative peace. Their idea of “peace” likely doesn’t include my daughter’s very loud retelling of the day’s drama in school, or my son using the tables as jumps for his monster trucks. I’m a people pleaser at heart — I certainly don’t want to be the cause of another person’s bad night out.

And as it happens, I’m not wrong about that feeling: people really do hate you when you bring your kids with you to the restaurant.

That’s right, Mom and Dad — it’s not all in your head. They really are shooting you dirty looks, and your kids (and your perceived mishandling of their outbursts) are to blame.

American Diners: Leave Your Kids At Home

A survey conducted by hiJunior, a research-based online resource that provides actionable advice and guidance for parents, found that a shockingly high number of people would prefer to dine without the kid in the next booth belting out the PJ Masks’ theme song.

I knew the number would be high, but the fact that 52% of all adults surveyed would prefer it if kids were not present at restaurants at all was a jarring truth to learn.

This is only made worse by the evidence that the majority of Americans — a whopping 64% of them — enjoy a night out to eat at least once a week. That’s a lot of expensive salads with dressings on the side! Dining out is essential to the lifestyles of many people, too, and here we are with our boisterous, noise-making offspring, dashing all their hopes for peace.

Parents aren’t exempt from this number, either, as nearly half of parents surveyed bring their kids with them when they go out to eat. As a parent, I feel this — it’s rarely easy or convenient to hire a babysitter, nor is it cheap, with most babysitters costing parents an average of $100 or more for a night out sans kids.

And that’s not including the cost of the meal itself.

Also, call me crazy, but I enjoy my kids’ company…most of the time. Date nights are great, but spur-of-the-moment family nights out to eat happen more often than planned dates do, and I’m fine with that. My kids are my world.

Other diners don’t feel the same warm and fuzzies that I do, though, when they see (or hear) my adorable babies being their adorable selves. Weirdly enough, even other parents are annoyed by the presence of children during mealtime. More than half of parents surveyed were irritated by kids in restaurants, although that number seemed to decrease as their own number of children rose. Of those who agreed that children in restaurants were the worst:

56% had one child
56% had two children
41% had three or more

Maybe the more kids you have, your patience naturally increases, too. Or maybe they’ve just gone deaf after years of screaming children?

Love and Marriage

The group of people the least tolerant of kids in restaurants were the lovebirds — 59% of those who were irritated by the wee ones were married.

In fact, married people would rather spend their nights out with pets than with actual human children — although maybe that makes sense, considering how much easier it is to teach a dog to sit and eat their dang food than a human. Toddlers, on the other hand, are pretty much untrainable, and they “make” in their pants.

Honestly the more I think about it, the more I understand where they’re coming from. You read that part about the blowout, right?

Another curveball: people who were divorced or widowed were considerably less impacted by kids in restaurants, with only 6% being bothered by them. Bigger fish to fry, maybe? Who knows, but as a parent, I see you and your tolerance. And I thank you.

But the kids aren’t the only ones who irritate the masses, here. According to the survey, as much as 34% felt that the parents didn’t bother to discipline their little hooligans for their bad behaviour.

Granted, the majority of these folks also had no children of their own to contend with. It’s safe to say that most of us used to think we would parent better — until we learned that we couldn’t. That’s because kids, like adults, are a smorgashbord of personalities, some tending towards a more boisterous, enthusiastic way of life, others tending towards a quieter existence.

Some kids just can’t be tamed, and you know what? God bless those parents. They need a break that will likely evade them for another 18 years.

Playtime’s Over

Those surveyed made no bones about it — when it comes to eating out, the majority want a ban on parents bringing their kids.

Weirdly enough, this desire for an outright kid ban doesn’t stop at those without kids. Parents agreed with the idea that kids shouldn’t be in restaurants at all, although the percentage of those who felt this way diminished as the number of children they had increased. Of those who agreed that kids should be banned from restaurants:

61% had one child
58% had two children
47% had three or more

I have a theory to posit here, and it goes back to my previous comment about parents opting to bring their babies with them to restaurants: it’s expensive as heck to hire babysitters, especially as you add more family members to the bill. Most babysitters charge not only by hour, but by child, so the idea of a ban on kids in restaurants might seem less appealing the more kids you have.

Whatever the reason, many thought that a ban (from certain restaurants at least) was a good idea. I am not only surprised at how many people agreed to this prospective solution, but I’m a little appalled. An all out kid ban is much too drastic a reaction to some spilled milk, and I’m not alone in that line of thinking.

Of those surveyed, many parents favoured limiting the hours that children could be allowed in restaurants. 64% of those were parents with one child, while 67% had two children. Oddly enough, those with three or more children and those without children were less inclined to agree with the idea of a kid-curfew.

No matter how you slice it, though, it seems like the people have spoken: kids at restaurants are the worst.

Maybe the Kids are All Right

So, full disclosure, and I’ve already mentioned it a few times here: I’m a mom. I have two kids who are equally annoying in their own, unique ways. I get that they’re not everyone’s particular tea, but they’re still just little human beings.

They have rights too, folks.

Beyond that, being taught how to eat in public without bringing down the place is a skill that they need to learn — and just like every other skill they need to learn, they need to be given the chance to do so. It’s an opportunity that I think, as damned adults, we need to provide in order to help them grow into functioning members of society.

Yeah, maybe they do annoy people from time to time. Maybe they’re a little too boistrous for the sensitive soul who lives with his cats two booths over. I get it. But they’ve also brought genuine smiles and laughter to the countless people in public places — once, our meal was even paid for by a kind couple who thought our kids were too cute.

What’s more, I used to be a childless person, too, and I have never felt irritation at children being children. I have, however, felt irritation towards rude, self-entitled adults who try to stamp out everyone’s joy just because they’re bitter an angry.

Because kids? They’re just figuring this whole “life” thing out. Most of them will grow up to be respectable adults who don’t throw macaroni at strangers, and we need to give them every opportunity to learn that lesson.

As for the adults who can’t handle a little mess and head bopping from the adorable, albeit mischievous, kid in the next booth? I can safely say that they’re the only ones who have ever ruined a baked ziti or pricy steak — but I won’t speak for the masses.

It’s a good thing, too, because apparently I’m in the minority over here. But it’s okay — the people in my camp are nicer, anyway.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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