Everyone today has a story; the world’s an archive.

Today is International Archives Day. Don't worry about how to celebrate the holiday correctly, the various Congressional, Senate and Independent committees already has all the information you might need. So you can just go about your business; They're already on the case.

Take it from your doctor and check out Archives.gov (or Archive.org); just about everything you may want, will find it's way there.

June 9, 1934 -
87 years ago today, an American legend made his first appearance on the silver screen. The Silly Symphony short The Wise Little Hen premiered; it star, resplendent in his trademark sailor jacket and cap. Since then, he has appeared in over 450 films in more than 200 languages, held lead roles in dozens of television serials and hundreds of specials, and has been featured in books and magazines in every language.

He is, of course, the world's favorite lazy, hot-headed, bare-assed mallard: Donald Fauntleroy Duck. He has done all of this without wearing pants.

June 9, 1945 -
The last appearance of a 'nude' Tweety and before his famous pairing with Sylvester, A Gruesome Twosome, premiered in the US on this date.

Tweety rides on the back of a classic Vaudeville style horse in a salute to the popular radio drama The Lone Ranger.

June 9, 1947 -
Another of Orson Welles' (The patron saint of Independent film makers) mangled studio films The Lady from Shanghai was released on this date.

Orson Welles' original rough cut of this picture ran 155 minutes (the released version ran 92 minutes). Numerous cuts made by Columbia Pictures executives included a shortening of the famous "funhouse" finale.

June 9, 1978 -
The Rolling Stones' 14th British and 16th American studio album, Some Girls, was released on this date.

The album cover was a parody of a newspaper ad for wigs, but the women wearing the wigs were celebrities like Raquel Welch, Lucille Ball, and Farrah Fawcett. They had to remove the famous women when faced with a lawsuit.

June 9, 1989 -
William Shatner was at the helm when Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, starring all the other folks from the original TV series, premiered in the US on this date. (It has been said that this was the worst Star Trek film and 'nearly sank the franchise.')

During pre-production meetings, screenwriter David Loughery jokingly proposed to have Commander Uhura appear as an erotic dancer in order to lure away the hostage takers from the Paradise compound. He was surprised when the producers approved of the idea right away.

June 9, 1993 -
The Tina Turner bio-pix, What's Love Got To Do With It, starring Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne, premiered in the US on this date.

Angela Bassett lip-synched all of the songs in this movie; Tina Turner sang all the tracks herself. Bassett herself admitted that she can act and dance, but isn't much of a singer. Laurence Fishburne actually sang Ike Turner's parts.

June 9, 2007 -
Rihanna's Umbrella, with a guest verse from her label boss Jay-Z, reaches #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 on this date, where it stays for seven weeks.

Jay-Z, who runs Rihanna's record label Roc-A-Fella Records, performs a somewhat gratuitous rap at the beginning of the song emphasizing his wealth and business success. His presence on the song made it much more marketable even if it didn't advance the storyline.

Another failed ACME Product

Today in History:
June 9, 68 -
Rather than suffer a Senate-imposed death by flogging, Nero implored his secretary Epaphroditus to slit his throat. The freedman complies, giving the condemned emperor a quick death on this date, just as centurions arrive at the villa to haul him away.

As Nero's four faithful servants prepared his funeral pyre, the Emperor gasped out with his last breath: Qualis artifex Pereo, (How great an Artist dies here.) You certainly can't get help like that anymore even on Mad Men.

Administrative Professionals Day, former known as Secretaries Day, always falls on the last week of April. I believe it should occur on June 9th

June 9, 1870 -
Charles Dickens dropped dead at his chair at the dinner table in his home in London on this date. He died from a stroke, or apoplexy as it was called then. This must have put a dent in the dinner conversation at the time.

He was 58 years old. In the months before he died, he must have already suffered a stroke? He spoke in his letters of weakness and deadness on the left side and of not being able to pick up things with his left hand.

Being the ever prolific writer, Mr. Dickens still manages to write three more short stories, a humorous monograph and a recipe for rum punch while on the way to his burial.

June 9, 1891 -
The Dutch in old Amsterdam do it
Not to mention the Finns
Folks in Siam do it, think of Siamese twins

One of the most sophisticated American, and Peru, Indiana's favorite son, Cole Porter, was born on this date.

June 9, 1902 -
Joe Horn and Frank Hardart open the Horn and Hardart Automat Restaurant, the first restaurant with vending machine service, at 818 Chestnut Street in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

If you are of a certain age, you used to call them Horny and Hardon.

June 9, 1909 -
Starting out from a rainy Manhattan, New York on this date, Alice Huyler Ramsey, a 22-year-old New Jersey mother, drove with three of her girlfriends (who didn't know how to drive a car) to San Francisco, California. The trip took 59 days and when she and her companions arrived in California on August 7th, Ramsey (and her companions) became the first woman to drive across the United States.

She made the 3,800-mile journey in a Maxwell automobile. The Maxwell company was the precursor to the Chrysler Group.

June 9, 1930 -
Jake Lingle, a reporter for the Chicago Tribune, was shot dead gangland-style at the Illinois Central train station underpass, during rush hour. Dozens of people witness the murder, and the Leo Vincent Brothers were caught four months later after an intensive manhunt.

Lingle was allegedly killed over a $100,000 gambling debt owed to Al Capone.

Bunkies, how many times do we have to go over this - don't borrow money unless you can pay the vig?

June 9, 1946 -
Bhumibol Adulyadej (known as Rama IX ) came to the throne in Thailand, upon the death of his brother, King Ananda Mahidol, on this date in 1946. (Just don't ask who shot his brother - it's a crime. As a matter of fact, don't say anything negative about the King - it's a crime.)

King Rama IX of Thailand passed away almost five years ago, leaving Queen Elizabeth II of England as the longest living reigning monarch in history.

June 9, 1954 -
Have you left no sense of decency?

During Senate-Army hearings, Sen Joseph McCarthy charged that one of Joseph Welch's attorneys had ties to a Communist organization.

As an amazed television audience looked on, Welch responded with the immortal lines that ultimately ended McCarthy's career. At that point, the Senate gallery erupted in applause for the only brave soul to have finally stood up in the committee hearings against the “Red Scare” witch hunt that had paralyzed the nation’s psyche.

June 9, 1980 -
In the midst of a cocaine binge, comedian Richard Pryor attempts suicide by dousing himself with rum and setting it ablaze. The self-immolation attempt goes haywire when the flaming man leapt from his apartment window and ran down the street, screaming in agony.

Pryor barely survives the incident, and only after six weeks of intensive care and three skin graft surgeries.

June 9, 1992 -
Talk about having a lousy day...

Entertainer Ben Vereen was critically injured when he was struck by a van while walking along the Pacific Coast Highway near Malibu, California. The driver, producer/composer David Foster, was not charged.

Some hours earlier, Vereen had run into a tree while driving his own car. He blames that mishap for the later accident. He said, "I had hit my head on the steering wheel but felt fine. Later that evening as I was walking in Malibu, I had [a] stroke as a result of that accident." Vereen says he then stumbled into the roadway and was hit by the van.

Before you go - And now a man seriously channeling Tom Lehrer -

You can catch the rest of Bo Burnham's special Inside on Netflix

And so it goes.

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