Mark the date, girls. Your life is about to be ROCKED. I have stumbled the fashion gods’ solution to our muffin top.
What? You don’t have side plump that refuses to be tamed? Go away and continue your CrossFit and no-sugar, no-grain, no-yum ways. I’m talking to the girls who want to eat like crap but still look cute. Or just can’t get rid of the muffin top because of the occasional piece of pizza with a cookie chaser.
Okay, bust out your wallets because you are going to need them.
Jag Pull-On Jeans. Drop the mic.
These jeans have transformed my life. These jeans tuck in my belly, smooth out my side chub, make my fanny look nice and don’t look like mom jeans even though they fit like them. Minus the 14 inch crotch zipper.
The Jag Pull-Ons have a wide band at the top, similar to the under-belly maternity pants, which goes up dangerously close to your bra band. But don’t freak out. That strong ring of thick elastic is what holds your belly in and makes you look amaze-balls with a shirt on.
I typically wear Old Navy and Gap jeans. They look really good from the hips down, but the waist has always been troublesome because I’m definitely bigger in the belly proportionally. Every single pair of jeans I own cuts my mid-section in half, forcing the upper part of my belly to ooze over the top of the pants.
My solution was to either accept the muffin as a part of growing up or to wear a girdle which was not comfortable and caused excess sweating in places I’d rather not experience sweat.
But my new Jag Pull-On Jeans solves the problem. (Queue Peg + Cat’s “Problem solved” jingle.) The pants go up and over my mid-section and smooths it all out, resulting in what appears to be a fit, not-flabby belly. Psych, suckas!
Here’s what I’m talking about (and you know how much I love you and these jeans to be lifting up my shirt for all the internets):
P.S. My daughter took these pictures and she was mortified that I was going to post a picture of my belly. She’s equally mortified that said belly even exists. Oh, sweet girl, just wait. Genetics.
Okay, top pics are of my regular Gap jeans. I wear these all the time. Yes, I realize I could size up and get a better fit around my waist, but then the butt and legs would be baggy. My solution was to just give up wearing more fitted tops, like my awesome Embrace Oregon tee, altogether.
The bottom pics are of my new Jag Pull-On Jeans. I know you’re all like, “obviously she lost 15 pounds in the second set of pics.” Hecks no! Same day, baby.
Don’t I look AMAZING?
I think I look so fantastic that I’m selling my entire pants drawer and replacing them with Jag Pull-On Jeans, because let’s be perfectly honest — I’m 40 and most likely am not going to do the work to lose the 15 lbs required to deal with my middle. Accept it and move on. Thank you, Jag Pull-On Jeans for allowing me to give up the dream and still look adorable.
Alright, here’s the specifics on these jeans so you can have your life transformed as well:
1. These things are a beast to pull on. You’re going to start cussing as you try to wedge them over your thighs, hips and booty, but once you win the tug-of-war you will join the angels’ chorus because NO MUFFIN TOP. I was actually groaning in the dressing room trying to get them on. Then I looked in the mirror once I got them up and started yelling at my friend Kate, who was at the other end of the store, “I look amazing in these jeans.” It was so dramatic that another woman grabbed a pair to try on herself.
2. You absolutely must size down — I usually wear a 6 or 8 at Old Navy and Gap and a 4 fits perfectly.
UPDATE: If you’re “curvy” meaning have larger hips proportionally, order your regular size. If you’re built like a rectangle or have a larger waist proportionally, size down.
3. You will most likely have to have them hemmed or wear them rolled like a hipster. Just make sure you wear the appropriate shoes or you’ll look like an American tourist in Europe. I purchased a pair of petites and they are still too long for me, but I have stubby legs.
4. The pairs I’ve worn don’t stretch out even after several days of wear without washing.
5. If you have a long torso, the band is not going to be as magical for you. I have a friend who has a longer torso and the same pants, same size hit below her belly button and mine goes significantly above.
If you’re really, really nervous about ordering jeans online that you’ve never tried on, go to Nordstrom and find a pair to make sure you get the right size. (Note that I said “Nordstrom,” not “Nordstroms.” I’m sending you to one store, not all of them. Same with “Fred Meyers” or “Costcos.” Singular store. It’s “Let’s go to Fred Meyer!” or “Costco has the best pizza ever!”)
These jeans are typically $69-ish (which isn’t a bad price for higher quality jeans), but you can regularly find them on sale or clearance at Amazon, Nordstrom, or Macy’s.
Side note: I hate how Amazon styles their jeans for product pictures. First, the model is always wearing one size too big. Second, the heels? Is this Monica from Friends circa 1998? Ignore how dorky the model looks and focus on the wash and cut. Remember, fading is going to highlight those body parts. I always get a uniform, darker wash because my only goal with pants is to look skinnier than I am.
Here are the different styles available:
I’ve linked to the styles at Amazon and Nordstrom as prices change frequently. Check out all the sites to see who is offering the best price right now in the style and size you’re hunting (these are affiliate links, which means I earn a small commission when you make a purchase at no additional cost to you):
1. Jag Pull-On Nora Skinnies (regularly $69) — These come in a load of washes and colors, including knit skinnies which are crazy comfortable.
2. Jag Pull-On Paley Boot-Cuts (regularly $79) — I am a boot-cut gal, as it balances out my hips.
4. Jag Jeans Pull-On Peri Straight Legs (regularly $69)
5. Jag Jeans Amelia Slim Ankles (regularly $74)
6. Jag Bermuda Pull-On Shorts (regularly $64)
Since originally writing this post, I have also discovered the Wit & Wisdom Itty Bitty Bootcut Jean from Nordstrom. The rise isn’t quite as high but they still contain the muffin top and have an actual fly which makes going to the bathroom much easier. The magic is in the Ab-solution waistband.
I honestly believe every single woman on earth should own a pair of Wit & Wisdom Itty Bitties. They are out-of-this-world flattering. Size down because they have a strong vanity sizing game. They come in regular, petite, and plus sizes!
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