There simply aren't enough words in the English language to adequately convey all of the new and special situations that have arisen in the last few months, i.e. due to "this whole coronavirus thing." So we've made up a few of our own...
Please note: This blog is satire and not to be taken seriously, or before operating heavy machinery.
Quarantinnitis: Persistent ringing in the ears due to endless worried calls from your mom and/or streaming Netflix 24/7.
Moronavirus: Condition where people believe every sensational rumor the read on Weibo/Facebook. Degrades brain cells. Spreads via social messaging apps.
Stir-crazy: Sharp increase in the production of home-cooked meals during lockdown.
Coronababy: Any baby born in China between October and December 2020, the likely result of people putting extra quarantine time to good use.
Suspension of disbeleaf: Gradually accepting that your houseplants plants can actually hear and understand everything that you say. Linked to a subsequent increase in talking to them.
Deja flu: The feeling that crusty old Beijingers get that they’ve been through this all once before.
Quarantedium: The boredom that sets in after two weeks without leaving the house.
Covidiot: One whose days have descended into a continuous string of binge-watching the history of recorded entertainment.
Mascne: Outbreak of pimples around the nose, cheeks, and mouth due to constantly wearing a mask and/or poor hygiene.
Race to the bottom: Panic-buying of toilet paper in places such as Australia, Hong Kong.
Waining: Constantly complaining about the lack of food delivery options.
A waist of time: The futility of wearing pants among those who are teaching remotely via Skype.
Wrist assessment: Trying to determine if someone is a threat, by the temperature of their lower arm.
The boot: Treatment given to Italian nationals trying to return to their apartments.
Infermometer: Vaguely scientific device used to determine whether you are clinically dead or not.
Beardemic: The widespread appearance of newly-grown beards we're likely to see once this is all over.
Pandemiquette: Staying in a hotel instead of forcing your flatmates to co-quarantine with you when you return from abroad.
Alright, your turn, show us what you've got in the comments section...
Image: the Beijinger
